Either one is fine by me, dawg.
[By the by, if I tagged you, it was probably random (or was it?!)]
Well, if you ask some people, they will tell you, "Oh that guy? He's some young gent by the name of Michael Smith! Met him back in the day. Plays in a band and all that jazz." Others may say, "Well, by jove, he's a guitarist! Look at him go! He's not too shabby." while others still might say, "I hardly know the guy, but he's my friend on Facebook, so it's all good, right?" And even still others would perhaps say, "I just met him, but he had to bounce! I wish I could know him a bit better."
Well if you fall under any of these categories, you are in luck (lol). Because I'm about to tell you 5 things you may or may not know about myself. Whether or not you read through all of them is your own prerogative, but they'll always be here (yup, all 5 of them!) for you to come back and peruse if you're ever a bit bored. So here goes! Ready? You better be, dude.
One. My Hair Is So Long.. I haven't cut it since sometime in the summer of last year, and at this point it's the longest it's ever been. I straighten it nearly every day to make it look relatively normal. And believe it or not, I get the impulse to shave my head quite often! Yet I've also gotten rather skilled at convincing myself that my hair looks a bit better long than shaved. So that argument usually fizzles out as soon as it starts.
It might (not) happen though! Keep an eye out.
Two. I Crave Stability. There's a (big) part of me that longs for someone to be there for. To share their pain, to share their laughs, to share their cries. To share my pain, laughs, and cries. To be close to. Maybe I'm a sucker for relationships, but maybe that's also why both the relationships I have had lasted such a long time. I invest myself, into someone else.
It's not even necessarily the romantic stability that I miss, it's being around the same people, same friends, same family. Don't get me wrong, I am blessed to be able to say that I have a group of a few incredible people that I get to hang out with 24 / 7, but the deepest parts of me want a home. Even if home means that one person to be mine. Hundreds of miles away or not.
Crazy, or just human? You tell me.
Three. I Miss Direction. There's an unspoken element involved with routine that I miss. Waking up, going to school, coming home, hugging mom, doing homework, going to work, sleeping, rinsing, and repeating everything the next day.
The feeling of progress is essential to living. I never would have thought that having something to show for my work would be so important to me. And the bitter reality of that statement is harsh, but true. It's important that I see results. Ministry (especially the particular kind of ministry I'm involved in) is perhaps one of the most difficult things to do when you're someone like me, because (A) you don't have a particular goal to work towards and (B) you don't necessarily get to see the fruit of your efforts.
It's a tough life, but it's worth it. I'm holding on.
Four. Writing Is So Important To Me. Whether it's the music I write, or smudged sharpie scribbles on my hand, writing is my favorite thing to do. I enjoy so many different kinds of writing. I might not like being assigned a fourteen page paper for homework, but I enjoy creating something to call my own and being rewarded for my efforts (with an A I hope!).
Additionally, there are so many feelings I could express by sitting down and thinking it out on paper that I couldn't get out by talking to someone. In many ways, it's pure catharsis. Therapeutic. It helps me organize my thoughts and form words out of what I'm thinking. And I don't even necessarily need therapy (or do I?!), but all in all, it's a funky little plus that my favorite pastime relieves a bit of everyday stress.
Just by getting ink onto paper too! It's like venting minus the yelling! Brilliance, really. Try it sometime.
Five. I'm Comfortable With My Imperfections. I spent quite a bit of time in the past worrying about the way I look, the way I act, the way people perceive me, the way society views me, whether or not I am accepted, how I am viewed by my friends. And the reality is, a negative or positive impression is always subject to how you present yourself. And there came a point in my life (not too long ago, in all honesty) when I became tired of presenting myself in a way that was intended to get people to like me.
Sure, part of that was just the way I am. Extrovert, people person, etc. I want people to like me. Who doesn't, man? Guilty as charged right here, dude. I care about the way I look. I care about what people think. Sorry. That's how I was born. I love approval. It warms my heart. And even though I will always feel this way to a certain extent, God has been good to me. And changed my mindset.
I am flawed. Imperfect. Defective. Blemished. Yes, I am imperfect. 100% broken. Yes, I have had excessive amounts of alcohol before. Yes, I have smoked before. Yes, I have lied to my parents. I have scars on my back and on my arms from a vicious battle with acne. I used to have a nasty swearing habit. By societal and legal standards (all other morality aside), I am imperfect.
I am not a perfect person.
God changed that. He saw my imperfections, and he's okay with them. Do I still do these things? By God's grace, the answer is no. I was never an alcoholic, and I don't plan on drinking any more alcohol than communion wine for quite some time (21+ perhaps?). I have quit smoking. I still swear every now and then, but I am trying. I am convicted of my imperfections, and I am sorry. I am so sorry for them.
But God keeps forgiving, and I keep living. Trying harder every day to live more like him. Tomorrow I'll still have long hair, I'll still be craving stability, I'll still be missing direction, I'll still be writing, and most importantly. I'll still be imperfect. And I don't want hope. I don't put my hope in Jesus.
I have hope. I have HIM.
My hope IS Jesus.
And that's me.
Hope you enjoyed.
- Michael
