The other day (literally) I tuned up Taylor (my guitar), recorded, and then posted a cover for a song by an artist named JJ Heller called "Love Me." The song (err.. the original recording at least) is easy listening, hands down. Catchy guitar, non-abrasive voice.. definitely easy on the ears. But the deep personal meaning behind this song did not make itself fully clear to me until after I had posted my own version.
[So check it. If you want the lyrics, Google them, or just listen to the song. Click HERE to hear the original or HERE to listen to my cover]
Portrayed in each verse, there is an internal conflict waging within three separate individuals that is explored through the lyrics. If you didn't take time to listen to the song, go listen to it. Now, silly. It's worth it. It really is. Alright. Good. If you paid attention, you may have noticed that each verse is different in ways. Here's a short summary.
• Verse 1 talks about the kid with the story no one would believe.
• Verse 2 tells of the self-conscious woman who's husband has run away.
• Verse 3 is about the skid row convict who regrets his past.
Then the chorus presents the common denominator that ties together the lives of each individual:
"Who will love me for me?"
Got it? Alright.
At first listen, I was tempted to pass it off as another acoustic ballad, a pleasant tune with little substance lyrically and musically, which is how most acoustic songs are, right? Yeahh, not really. I was in for a surprise, that's for sure. And as you may very well know, God enjoys doing that from time to time (surprising us, that is).
When I was asked to learn this song (it's in the XP setlist for next years Youth Encounter teams), I knew a fair amount of practice would be in order. The original is sung by a female, so I started the process by searching for a comfortable key, and after finding one (key of A, of course!), I began to develop a newfound appreciation for the bare-bones musicality of the piece.
What intrigues me about acoustic songs is their risky simplicity. The fewer instruments to crowd the space within a song, the more exposed the vocals are, and in turn, the more obvious each wrong note will be in the finished recording. And with just myself and my acoustic in front of a handheld recorder, there was little room for error.
After singing the song through a few times, I started learning how to enunciate the lyrics, I noted where to take breaths, and I progressively became more and more comfortable with the strumming pattern.. standard protocol for learning a fresh tune. Yep yep.
Then the lyrics hit
me.
Like the boy in verse one, I had prayed literally the exact words he did (or something similar) months ago "Dear God, could you send someone here who will love me?" I recalled offering up those words to God in a desperate attempt to reconcile my innate desire for a romantic relationship with my desire to pursue him. It tore me apart at the time.
Similar to the woman in verse two, for the longest time I felt the need to qualify what I had to offer in life by my outward appearance. Thankfully, God has gradually shaped my outlook into something different though. Less body, more soul. What will I have to offer when I'm 60 years old? Definitely more sags and wrinkles, that's for sure. But will I be able to look back on my life and see that my heart for God translated into the way I raised my kids and loved on my wife?
I pray for that regularly.
And like the man in verse three, I've felt many times that I'm here on this earth, waiting to die with little other purpose. Depressing, right? Well, apparently I'm not alone. They say the current death rate is 100%. Oh my gravy! Hard to believe, right? I try to look at it this way, everyone before me has died, so it's not really that weird that I will too. And to be down to earth with you, that's really not the full scope of the issue.
I'm not afraid of dying, but I'm afraid of dying alone.
Ever felt that way? Yeah, it bites hardcore. Super lame.
I've found that when my eyes are fixed on my imperfections, when I am more aware of my immediate sin than of God's grace, it's easy for me to convince myself that no one could ever love me for who I am. It's sad, but I get the feeling I'm not the only person who has felt this way. I once blogged, ".. perfection is not my cup of tea, and it will be good to be by someone's side with nothing to hide." That is what I dream of, that is what I pray for. A woman who will love me for me. Not for my past, present, or future.
But the truth of the matter is this: I already have that.
I may not have found a woman who loves me in this manner, but I've found a God who does.
The song culminates in the bridge and final choruses, where the lyrics are sung from God's perspective: "I know you've murdered, and I know you've lied. I've watched you suffer all of your life. And now that you'll listen, I will tell you that I love you for you, not for what you have done or what you will become."
"I will love you for YOU."
Really? Even though I mess up all the time, you're going to love me? There is no way I can live up to the standard of perfection that was set. Believe me, I've been there. There is no way we can save ourselves from ourselves. And to some people this makes little sense and we're tempted to ask, "Isn't there something we can do to rid ourselves of sin? To save ourselves? To make God love us?"
Well the answer is a firm no.
What gives then?
Here it is.
In order to properly appreciate the extent of God's love for us, there needs to exist a balanced understanding of both the Doctrine of Sin and the Doctrine of Grace; how incapable we are of getting to God vs Christ dying to bridge that gap. In the words of Jon Foreman, "The shadow proves the sunshine." Our sinfulness proves God's grace. One proves the importance of the other.
Still confused?
I'll just say this: If we could defeat sin by ourselves (and I've tried, it doesn't work), making us (literally) perfect [like Christ] on our own, what would be the point of Jesus living a perfect life? Why would he have to die? Wouldn't that just be a wasted sacrifice?
The answer is yes. If we could bridge the gap, if we could defeat sin by ourselves, then Christ's death would be rendered meaningless. Thankfully, that is 100% not the case. As Christians, it can be easy to fall into that trap; to misunderstand the significance of grace. The fact is: we are completely incapabale of defeating sin. We can never meet the qualifications. We can not meet the requirements. I've tried to be perfect. It's impossible.
The Apostle Paul could not have spoken more eloquently when he said:
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." - Romans 5:8
Once I understood the futility of my efforts to conquer my imperfections, the entirety of love was made evident to me. My sinfulness brought to light the importance of grace. The full, balanced equation was there. And there equation must be balanced. We must not take grace for granted, and we mustn't minimize the seriousness of our sin. We must be aware of both.
And with that understanding of grace comes the true knowledge of love: unconditional care and appreciation for someone because they are cherished in God's eyes, and were created for his purposes. And with Christ's example to look to, this translates into our earthly relationships through practical examples of forgiveness, patience, kindness, protection, humility, trust, and perseverence.
All at once, the entire song made sense. Christ loves us for who we are, and we are called to love each other in the same way.
Grace is so messy. But I love it.
Wordd.
Thanks for reading.
In his grace,
- Michael
