"I will waste my life."
Cool phrase, huh?
You may be cringing at the thought of throwing away something so important to you (your LIFE, dude! It's important!). And in all honesty, I can't blame you. I mean, (sarcasm) you may enjoy playing video games, but do you want to waste your life? Probably not. But to me, the words say something completely different. There's a curious something about consciously and intentionally saying those five words that triggers some sort of release mechanism in my spirit.
That being said.
The theme of release and surrender or giving up of one self seems to be a reoccurring staple in the prayers offered up by Misty Edwards on her worship album "Relentless." I could prolly write for pages, exploring the depth behind the simple lyrics and melodies that her songs present. And even as I write, my iTunes changes songs in the background, and her resonant female voice sings the words: "I believe you will come like the rain."
Hmm. You will come.. like the rain. You will come. Like the rain.. Like the rain. You. Will. Come. Dudemanwow. Interesting. Such simplicity. Such depth to soak in. My kind of worship, dude. Definitely my kind of worship.
As I realize that I lost my blue fine-point sharpie (and subsequently am writing this with the green one), I glance up and look out the window to see an endless field of grass reaching for and eventually losing itself in the horizon. Last night, that same horizon was black, yet at the same time, rife with lightning. The elements seemed to be at war with one another. Radical concept, man. But what really struck me (no pun intended) is that what I saw that night was a thunderstorm, but what I perceived was power.
I move outside to the backyard patio.
Today, in the aftermath of the storm, the weather speaks peace as a breeze graces my skin, filling my senses with activity and my hair with movement. This is for real, the perfect day. The periwinkle sky in Yuma, Colorado exists in quiet harmony with the 72° temperature, and although I feel peace, the picture my mind receives is control. And I am reminded of Mark 4:41. "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him." The winds obey him? Like storms do what Jesus tells them to do? Wow. Super simple, but super powerful.
So there came a time in my life recently when my perspective radically changed.
And I'm about to tell you how.
Ready? Alright.
Pay attention, dude.
When I sing the words: "I will waste my life" I'm not saying that I will just throw away what God gave me. That would be seriously silly. But when I sing "I will waste my life" I am making a statement that what Michael Smith wants doesn't matter anymore. What I want doesn't matter. The desires of the flesh and of the man are relevant no longer. Done deal? Not quite. Some still may ask, "Well, if what I want doesn't matter anymore, what does matter?
Good question. Let's look at it this way.
To me, "I will waste my life" is just a more direct way of saying I'm not important, God, but you are. I'm not the priority, you are. And in the end, the fact of the matter is:
"I matter because I am God's creation, but the creation's desire is meaningless if it isn't aligned with the Creator's."
It's like writing a computer program to carry out some specific function. The program was created for a particular reason, and if the program doesn't want to carry out that function, it's existence would be meaningless. Sure it was created, but if it doesn't operate under the purpose for which it was created, then it's existence is directionless. In the same way, God created us for a specific reason (by the way, this is the big conclusion I have come to): To acknowledge him and bring him glory through the way we live.
And until our life functions around that statement, our life will lack meaning.
Wow.
Suddenly, a whole new level of intimacy with God is blown wide open. And like a breath of fresh air, "I will waste my life" seems like just another way of saying "I want to align my desires with yours, God." After coming to this realization, I immediately felt a sense of release. I felt surrender. And I felt thankfulness. What I wanted didn't matter anymore, and a fresh desire to glorify God in my living began to take over.
The way I look at my life's highest priorities completely changed.
Although I still have a strong desire (understatement of the year) for marriage, a fresh longing to glorify God in my singleness has grown in my heart. Directly related, a desire to be financially stable (a near necessity for marriage, in my mind) was also near the top of the list. And since I had no financial stability, I was discontented with the season where God had placed me. Now with a changed mindset, I am putting forth a conscious effort to spend my energies preparing myself for marriage instead of waiting for it, so that, when the season arrives, I will be ready to walk the path of marriage in a way that brings glory to my Creator.
It's like the purpose of life: to follow the purpose I was given life for.
Chew on that one (hehe).
Thanks for reading.
- Michael Stephen
