Did you know that smiling is one of the happiest things to do?
The smallest crack of the lips can brighten someone's day in ways that you nor I could ever know. Pretty great invention, huh? Just imagine the simplicity behind the act of smiling, and then picture the wonders it can do to encourage the heart. Yes, it may involve taking a small step out of your comfort zone, but it is far beyond worth it to take that chance in order to make someone's heart a little warmer, or their day a little less stressful.
I love smiling.
So uplifting. So simple. So lovely.
Give it a shot sometime.
- Michael Stephen
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
"Pain.. (Part II)" [ 12 | 17 | 2009 ]
Alright. We have the substance, pain.
It’s here and it will always be here regardless of where we are, who we are, or what path our life ends up taking us. Pain is present and it is real, whether it be the loss of a loved one, the poignant yet bitter reminisce of a broken heart, or even the slip of paper resulting in a stinging sensation that bites your nerve to the core. Pain is a reality, and as stated in [Part I] we, as humans, have been blessed with a breathtaking and intricate system of life that brings to our attention nearly every sensation, both the pleasant and the unpleasant.
As a side note, although the subject of the inevitability of pain (refer to [Part I]) merits further attention, I shall refrain from digging deeper for now. Also, if you have read this far, then you perhaps might see some sense in what I have said, or at least are still interested to some extent. If this is true, then I believe it is fair to assume that you agree with what I have to say, and so I will speak now as though this were the case.
It is safe to say that we have now come close to coming to terms with the fact that pain is inevitable. It is here and [always] will be. Now how must we deal with it? What are we to do? Pain is difficult, and if I have to deal with it, then how should I deal with it?
As is true for eliminating pain, there is no right way of dealing with pain either.
However, one word has changed my entire outlook on pain and that word is perspective.
"Perspective: The faculty of seeing all the relevant data in a meaningful relationship. A mental view or prospect." - Dictionary.com
Dealing with pain through personal perspective has seemed to progress consistently through a series of steps that I had not intentionally implemented in my own lifestyle, but had observed over time, not only in the way I respond to pain, but also in the lives of others who seem to have a fair grasp on it. The progression looks somewhat similar to this.
It’s here and it will always be here regardless of where we are, who we are, or what path our life ends up taking us. Pain is present and it is real, whether it be the loss of a loved one, the poignant yet bitter reminisce of a broken heart, or even the slip of paper resulting in a stinging sensation that bites your nerve to the core. Pain is a reality, and as stated in [Part I] we, as humans, have been blessed with a breathtaking and intricate system of life that brings to our attention nearly every sensation, both the pleasant and the unpleasant.
As a side note, although the subject of the inevitability of pain (refer to [Part I]) merits further attention, I shall refrain from digging deeper for now. Also, if you have read this far, then you perhaps might see some sense in what I have said, or at least are still interested to some extent. If this is true, then I believe it is fair to assume that you agree with what I have to say, and so I will speak now as though this were the case.
It is safe to say that we have now come close to coming to terms with the fact that pain is inevitable. It is here and [always] will be. Now how must we deal with it? What are we to do? Pain is difficult, and if I have to deal with it, then how should I deal with it?
As is true for eliminating pain, there is no right way of dealing with pain either.
However, one word has changed my entire outlook on pain and that word is perspective.
"Perspective: The faculty of seeing all the relevant data in a meaningful relationship. A mental view or prospect." - Dictionary.com
Dealing with pain through personal perspective has seemed to progress consistently through a series of steps that I had not intentionally implemented in my own lifestyle, but had observed over time, not only in the way I respond to pain, but also in the lives of others who seem to have a fair grasp on it. The progression looks somewhat similar to this.
- Pain is real and unavoidable.
- ^ It is alright that this is how it has to be ^
- ^ It could always be worse than my current situation ^
- And ^ It is going to be okay in the end ^
Each of these bullet points deals in absolutes. Meaning this:
- Pain is [always] real and [always] unavoidable.
- ^ It is [always] alright that this is how it has to be ^
- ^ It could always be worse than my current situation ^
- And ^ It is [always] going to be okay in the end ^
You may be thinking, "How dare he make such blanket statements about such a sensitive topic! After all, he is barely eighteen years of age and has hardly any life experience yet. He has no concept of what pain really is." And if you are one of the people thinking this, then I ask you to do one thing.
Keep reading.
I too recognize that I am young of age and still have much to learn yet, however, I remind you that these few collections of my words are only my humble thoughts and opinions. I do not confess to know everything. I do not have all the answers. And whether you agree or disagree is for you to decide. But if one person hears what I has to say and understands their own life, and their own struggles, and their own pain more clearly, even in the smallest way, then I will have succeeded in my intentions in writing this.
Carrying on.
After recognizing the veracity of each of the above statements, I realized in my mind that pain was not such a pressing issue after all. There is nothing that I can do about it happening (1), and that's okay (2). Somehow, despite my miserable condition, it can always be worse (3). And in the end, everything will be alright (4).
"Everything will be alright."
It was in this statement that I recognized how misleading this can be. Everything will be alright. Then will the pain always go away? The answer is no. Pain may not ever leave you. In fact, the majority of my direct thoughts involved with this progression stemmed from a time when I was dealing with pain that was caused by someone else, either intentionally or unintentionally.
And the hurt and ache that accompanies that has a mysterious and perplexing way of lingering in my life.
Someone has caused me pain. It's alright, because pain is inevitable (1), and I am content with that (2). Although I am suffering, there are some ways in which it could still be even more hurtful, and I am thankful that this is not the case (3). And it's going to be alright in the end (4)..
But I do not feel alright. It's here, and I realize that, but how can it all be alright when I still feel pain?
It hurts still. Now what?
Pain.
Perspective..
Keep reading.
I too recognize that I am young of age and still have much to learn yet, however, I remind you that these few collections of my words are only my humble thoughts and opinions. I do not confess to know everything. I do not have all the answers. And whether you agree or disagree is for you to decide. But if one person hears what I has to say and understands their own life, and their own struggles, and their own pain more clearly, even in the smallest way, then I will have succeeded in my intentions in writing this.
Carrying on.
After recognizing the veracity of each of the above statements, I realized in my mind that pain was not such a pressing issue after all. There is nothing that I can do about it happening (1), and that's okay (2). Somehow, despite my miserable condition, it can always be worse (3). And in the end, everything will be alright (4).
"Everything will be alright."
It was in this statement that I recognized how misleading this can be. Everything will be alright. Then will the pain always go away? The answer is no. Pain may not ever leave you. In fact, the majority of my direct thoughts involved with this progression stemmed from a time when I was dealing with pain that was caused by someone else, either intentionally or unintentionally.
And the hurt and ache that accompanies that has a mysterious and perplexing way of lingering in my life.
Someone has caused me pain. It's alright, because pain is inevitable (1), and I am content with that (2). Although I am suffering, there are some ways in which it could still be even more hurtful, and I am thankful that this is not the case (3). And it's going to be alright in the end (4)..
But I do not feel alright. It's here, and I realize that, but how can it all be alright when I still feel pain?
It hurts still. Now what?
Pain.
Perspective..
There is one piece missing [ .. continued in Part III ].
- Michael Stephen
"Pain.. (Part I)" [ 12 | 13 | 2009 ]
So as time and life pass me by like the snow blowing across Minnesota 52, a thought passed through, and caused me to realize a few things about pain and suffering. Part of the outlook comes from my own experiences and how I've tried to deal with pain in the past. And some of my thoughts come from outside sources. Books, conversation, input, advice, etc.
However, I do not claim to have all the answers. I have not read hundreds of books on pain, I have not gotten a doctorates degree in psychology, nor have I even begun to grasp the extent of the depth of such an emotion as pain. However, I have thought much about the subject, and here are some jumbled thoughts that I present humbly. Take it for what it's worth;
My opinion.
"I have found that pain is inevitable." - Michael Smith (lol)
You can’t run away from it. There is no possible way to live a life without it. Sad, but true, and after thinking it through, this makes reasonable sense in my mind. But as the series of thoughts began to sound of in my head, questions also arose. What are we to do then? How are we to deal with it? Is there one right way eliminate pain?
Well, there exists no "right" way of eliminating pain, because that is quite impossible, in my own experience of trying. But the answer to that particular question lies in the question. The only way to deal with pain is to do just that: deal with it. To cope. To make due. It sounds unfair, because it is, to a certain extent. But humans weren't made to be without pain. Tough luck, right?
Not so much.
Pain is a reality, and we are paying the ruthless price of being blessed with such an incredible life support system that alerts us to nearly every sensation, whether good or bad, mental or physical, emotional or spiritual. Yet does this mean that we should just ignore it and let it affect our lives while we act like it doesn't exist? By no means, silly! Dealing with pain begins with confronting it.
Face your fears.
You can do it.
Now let's dig deeper [ .. continued in part II ].
- Michael Stephen
However, I do not claim to have all the answers. I have not read hundreds of books on pain, I have not gotten a doctorates degree in psychology, nor have I even begun to grasp the extent of the depth of such an emotion as pain. However, I have thought much about the subject, and here are some jumbled thoughts that I present humbly. Take it for what it's worth;
My opinion.
"I have found that pain is inevitable." - Michael Smith (lol)
You can’t run away from it. There is no possible way to live a life without it. Sad, but true, and after thinking it through, this makes reasonable sense in my mind. But as the series of thoughts began to sound of in my head, questions also arose. What are we to do then? How are we to deal with it? Is there one right way eliminate pain?
Well, there exists no "right" way of eliminating pain, because that is quite impossible, in my own experience of trying. But the answer to that particular question lies in the question. The only way to deal with pain is to do just that: deal with it. To cope. To make due. It sounds unfair, because it is, to a certain extent. But humans weren't made to be without pain. Tough luck, right?
Not so much.
Pain is a reality, and we are paying the ruthless price of being blessed with such an incredible life support system that alerts us to nearly every sensation, whether good or bad, mental or physical, emotional or spiritual. Yet does this mean that we should just ignore it and let it affect our lives while we act like it doesn't exist? By no means, silly! Dealing with pain begins with confronting it.
Face your fears.
You can do it.
Now let's dig deeper [ .. continued in part II ].
- Michael Stephen
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
"When I come home.." [ 12 | 8 | 2009 ]
Her name is Nancy and she's beautiful.
Myrtle green with barely tinted windows, I named her after my mom's mom. She lives in Virginia Beach and is six years of age. My dear brother (I miss him alot) is taking proper care of her, but I miss her and the other things on Rosaer Court. The labyrinth of Rosaer roads in Fairfield starts playing in my mind like the music of a distant movie.
It's home to me and my family: David, Daniel, Mom, Dad, and Holly! I'll see them all soon, but it's been quite a while. I've been sad and happy nearly every day, remembering their smiles.. It was my place of dwelling for many years plus some tears, and witnessed me grow in more ways than one. Through short hair and long, mom and dad had a bed for me and a fridge full of food, while 616 quietly enjoyed my company and ancestors before me too.
Back to Nancy.
She's seen Princess Anne road several million times, en route to the house of chicken sales. Grandpa helped make her my own back in the day, and she's heard me sing more than anyone alive. But what I always say, because it's been true since the first day we were together, is that
My faith in her is so strong, and I hope she'll be there when I come home.
When I come home.
- Michael Stephen
Myrtle green with barely tinted windows, I named her after my mom's mom. She lives in Virginia Beach and is six years of age. My dear brother (I miss him alot) is taking proper care of her, but I miss her and the other things on Rosaer Court. The labyrinth of Rosaer roads in Fairfield starts playing in my mind like the music of a distant movie.
It's home to me and my family: David, Daniel, Mom, Dad, and Holly! I'll see them all soon, but it's been quite a while. I've been sad and happy nearly every day, remembering their smiles.. It was my place of dwelling for many years plus some tears, and witnessed me grow in more ways than one. Through short hair and long, mom and dad had a bed for me and a fridge full of food, while 616 quietly enjoyed my company and ancestors before me too.
Back to Nancy.
She's seen Princess Anne road several million times, en route to the house of chicken sales. Grandpa helped make her my own back in the day, and she's heard me sing more than anyone alive. But what I always say, because it's been true since the first day we were together, is that
I'll always be hers, even when she's not by my side.
My faith in her is so strong, and I hope she'll be there when I come home.
When I come home.
- Michael Stephen
Sunday, December 6, 2009
"Find comfort." [ 12 | 6 | 2009 ]
When you get to the point of not caring anymore, you are probably about as low as you can get.
But there is always one more level beyond that.
And despite that, God is always in control.
- Michael Stephen
But there is always one more level beyond that.
And despite that, God is always in control.
- Michael Stephen
Friday, December 4, 2009
"Air Minus Oxygen." [ 12 | 4 | 2009 ]
I'm simple. I have two personalities really. And each has a mind of it's own. Yet both have the same story to tell. Cobalt skies and melancholy storms clashed in a frantic search for freedom. No place could hold their angst but those teary eyes.
I sensed the worry through miles of silenced air. Something isn't right. What's on your mind? Following the same pattern, my hesitent heartbeat echoes yours.
Months pass.
Rampant anger
Question mark.
The world caves in. Humans shouldn't be doing this. Against each other, we're still the same. Created by the same Maker. Ordained by equal Master. Curtains of blackness. Poignant Moon. Bittersweet Bliss. Your tempestuous stare is all that remains. Across the country, fragile love, just run free.
And when all else fails
Remember me.
- Michael Stephen
I sensed the worry through miles of silenced air. Something isn't right. What's on your mind? Following the same pattern, my hesitent heartbeat echoes yours.
Months pass.
Rampant anger
Question mark.
The world caves in. Humans shouldn't be doing this. Against each other, we're still the same. Created by the same Maker. Ordained by equal Master. Curtains of blackness. Poignant Moon. Bittersweet Bliss. Your tempestuous stare is all that remains. Across the country, fragile love, just run free.
And when all else fails
Remember me.
- Michael Stephen
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
"Grace is sufficiency.." [ 12 | 2 | 2009 ]
Grace is high and low.
When it started to feel like December, I got stranded on the side of the road. As if I could forget those years. Is it my heart or is it him? Working around me, through me, in me. Is there anybody out there who can understand? I'm getting farther from home, but closer to him.
Grace is sufficiency. And I'm done searching, I was lost and he found me. And I apologize, but you have to understand.
I'll never be the same.
- Michael Stephen
When it started to feel like December, I got stranded on the side of the road. As if I could forget those years. Is it my heart or is it him? Working around me, through me, in me. Is there anybody out there who can understand? I'm getting farther from home, but closer to him.
Grace is sufficiency. And I'm done searching, I was lost and he found me. And I apologize, but you have to understand.
I'll never be the same.
- Michael Stephen
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
"So blessed.." [ 12 | 1 | 2009 ]
The time is 11:30 and I'm beginning to drift, but before I fall asleep, I glance out the window at the snow and the mist. I see the moon through the clouds, and I thank you for your gifts. I mention each and every one, counting my blessings. And among them is something called mercy; something neverending.
It makes me smile despite the cold.
So gracious.
So blessed.
This could never get old.
- Michael Stephen
It makes me smile despite the cold.
So gracious.
So blessed.
This could never get old.
- Michael Stephen
Monday, November 30, 2009
"You are not your own.." [ 11 | 29 | 2009 ]
The stakes have never been higher and the days have never been longer.
Be urgent, yet be humble. The world silently crumbles beneath us while so many souls are so desperately seeking answers; returned with judgmental glances. How can you sit back and look at them? Be unashamed, living is simple.
You are not your own.
Now be the answer.
- Michael Stephen
Be urgent, yet be humble. The world silently crumbles beneath us while so many souls are so desperately seeking answers; returned with judgmental glances. How can you sit back and look at them? Be unashamed, living is simple.
You are not your own.
Now be the answer.
- Michael Stephen
Saturday, November 28, 2009
"The only resolution.." [ 11 | 28 | 2009 ]
A subtle glimpse behind the curtain reveals a determined desperation that somehow managed to brave the storm and the pouring rain. And as I began to start to see, I penned an elegy for an old fashioned melody involved with forcing change until there would be no more pain.
Starve it and outsmart it until it’s gone, was the plan.
And it seemed to make due.
But agony is a powerful word, and I thought I could escape, run away from the heartache. I thought I had the solution, I thought I held the key. I thought I knew exactly what defined me.
But after searching and searching,
The only way out, the only resolution, the only way to manage, the only way to deal with, the only way to survive, the only way to get past your fears and to learn how to live again,
Is to cope.
- Michael Stephen
Starve it and outsmart it until it’s gone, was the plan.
And it seemed to make due.
But agony is a powerful word, and I thought I could escape, run away from the heartache. I thought I had the solution, I thought I held the key. I thought I knew exactly what defined me.
But after searching and searching,
The only way out, the only resolution, the only way to manage, the only way to deal with, the only way to survive, the only way to get past your fears and to learn how to live again,
Is to cope.
- Michael Stephen
Friday, November 27, 2009
"And that's the present me.." [ 11 | 27 | 2009 ]
I’ve tried everything but giving in.
Been searchin’ for someone specific to hold my heart again; to mend that spot inside of me that I once had faith in. Maybe this part of my body just needs time. Maybe there’s another way, a path towards brighter days. Maybe I’m impatient and need to wait.
But what’s stopping me?
I promise I’ll be good, I’ll love you exactly as I should. Endless and unconditional, I guarantee. Just let me stay with you forever and don’t ever leave. I just want someone to protect and provide for, walking the line between now and forever, fingers intertwined.
I wish I was grown up,
So I could do just that and a little more. One day that day might come, but for now I’ll be tearing out and shutting down. I will always want love, but I just can’t breathe. I want someone to care for, but I just can't think.
Perhaps I am desperate, but I think I’m just lonely and longing for remedy.
And that’s the present me.
- Michael Stephen
Been searchin’ for someone specific to hold my heart again; to mend that spot inside of me that I once had faith in. Maybe this part of my body just needs time. Maybe there’s another way, a path towards brighter days. Maybe I’m impatient and need to wait.
But what’s stopping me?
I promise I’ll be good, I’ll love you exactly as I should. Endless and unconditional, I guarantee. Just let me stay with you forever and don’t ever leave. I just want someone to protect and provide for, walking the line between now and forever, fingers intertwined.
I wish I was grown up,
So I could do just that and a little more. One day that day might come, but for now I’ll be tearing out and shutting down. I will always want love, but I just can’t breathe. I want someone to care for, but I just can't think.
Perhaps I am desperate, but I think I’m just lonely and longing for remedy.
And that’s the present me.
- Michael Stephen
Thursday, November 26, 2009
"I am.." [ 11 | 26 | 2009 ]
Thankful for long hair and no cares.
Thankful for the last few crazy years. Thankful for a voice that is slowly being heard. Thankful for California and the memories made there. Thankful for a family that truly and sincerely cares. Thankful for friends by my side who know me and fight for me.
Thankful every night for a place to stay. Thankful every morning for words to say. Thankful for a glimpse of sun on a cloudy day. Thankful for my past and my present, the future and the memories in between. Thankful for t-shirts, little things, guitar strings and blue jeans.
Thankful for love. Thankful for light in a dark street, and for warmth inside of me. Thankful for answers to prayer and patience to see. Thankful for a God who's not short of cash. Thankful for caffeine in the bloodstream, and something to believe in. Thankful that starting over is always an option, and that there is always hope for tomorrow.
Thankful that even though I have made so many mistakes, and even though I have broken so many promises, and even though I have searched inside so many times and found myself empty,
You saved me.
- Michael Stephen
Thankful for the last few crazy years. Thankful for a voice that is slowly being heard. Thankful for California and the memories made there. Thankful for a family that truly and sincerely cares. Thankful for friends by my side who know me and fight for me.
Thankful every night for a place to stay. Thankful every morning for words to say. Thankful for a glimpse of sun on a cloudy day. Thankful for my past and my present, the future and the memories in between. Thankful for t-shirts, little things, guitar strings and blue jeans.
Thankful for love. Thankful for light in a dark street, and for warmth inside of me. Thankful for answers to prayer and patience to see. Thankful for a God who's not short of cash. Thankful for caffeine in the bloodstream, and something to believe in. Thankful that starting over is always an option, and that there is always hope for tomorrow.
Thankful that even though I have made so many mistakes, and even though I have broken so many promises, and even though I have searched inside so many times and found myself empty,
You saved me.
- Michael Stephen
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
"Am I loud and clear?" [ 11 | 25 | 2009 ]
Am I loud and clear?
Hiding is such a lonely thing to do.
Hiding is such a lonely thing to do.
Am I too far to hear?
Your love is my motivation to breathe.
- Michael Stephen
One lost brushstroke finds an empty canvas; spilling truth.
I am so thirsty, and I’ve given up on making this life my own. Pure and pitiful desperation mirrors my reflection, knowing that your love is the only thing I need. I don’t have to wait anymore. The flowers, heaven's eyes, my life;
Everything.
I am so thirsty, and I’ve given up on making this life my own. Pure and pitiful desperation mirrors my reflection, knowing that your love is the only thing I need. I don’t have to wait anymore. The flowers, heaven's eyes, my life;
Everything.
Your love is my motivation to breathe.
- Michael Stephen
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
"You lose hope so easily.." [ 11 | 18 | 2009 ]
You lose hope so easily.
In a few ways, you're right and I can see your view, but even in the calm of the moment, you criticize yourself and then dream of perfection. Your insecurities speak of misplaced confidence. The way you trust in him is admirable, but trust in the you that he made too. Beneath the surface, you're reaching for what you have been pushing away for so long.
Take a step in a new direction. This is a call to arms! Believe in yourself for the first time. Generalization after generalization with a pity excuse for an answer, you have become the routine that you have been fighting. And it's a vicious sequence of events, isn't it? Start with the little things and end at the heart. Just take your time and play your part.
Eventually you'll learn that you just have to keep moving forward and pushing through. Sometimes fairytales are worth holding on to, because sometimes they come true. But without effort, dreams will just unfold in place. Without perspective, every next wasted second will be replaced.
Without trust, ashes turn to ashes; dust turns to dust.
The days go by, like a breeze passing through.
- Michael Stephen
In a few ways, you're right and I can see your view, but even in the calm of the moment, you criticize yourself and then dream of perfection. Your insecurities speak of misplaced confidence. The way you trust in him is admirable, but trust in the you that he made too. Beneath the surface, you're reaching for what you have been pushing away for so long.
Take a step in a new direction. This is a call to arms! Believe in yourself for the first time. Generalization after generalization with a pity excuse for an answer, you have become the routine that you have been fighting. And it's a vicious sequence of events, isn't it? Start with the little things and end at the heart. Just take your time and play your part.
Eventually you'll learn that you just have to keep moving forward and pushing through. Sometimes fairytales are worth holding on to, because sometimes they come true. But without effort, dreams will just unfold in place. Without perspective, every next wasted second will be replaced.
Without trust, ashes turn to ashes; dust turns to dust.
The days go by, like a breeze passing through.
- Michael Stephen
Monday, November 16, 2009
"Pass up the past.." [ 11 | 16 | 2009 ]
Take me back to the tree in the park where I always sat in the dark, waiting for life to shake me by the shoulders; wishing I was older, wiser, and bolder.
I thought I had a handle on things, and I thought I had learned everything about being strong and making sense. But I got trampled on, and went through hell and back in exchange for a learning experience.
Sometimes I take perspective for granted, but in reality's face, I was never too far away to be saved, and neither are you.
Hope is here. And change isn't always clear, but it's worth it to live with failure as a stepping stone and pass up the past. It reminds me of plants that die and flourish again. It reminds me of inexplicable peace in a world of sin. It takes me back to redemption.
Because it's never too late;
Never too far away.
- Michael Stephen
I thought I had a handle on things, and I thought I had learned everything about being strong and making sense. But I got trampled on, and went through hell and back in exchange for a learning experience.
Sometimes I take perspective for granted, but in reality's face, I was never too far away to be saved, and neither are you.
Hope is here. And change isn't always clear, but it's worth it to live with failure as a stepping stone and pass up the past. It reminds me of plants that die and flourish again. It reminds me of inexplicable peace in a world of sin. It takes me back to redemption.
Because it's never too late;
Never too far away.
- Michael Stephen
Friday, November 13, 2009
"We dive in.." [ 11 | 13 | 2009 ]
Some jumbled thoughts and input that I have received from others mashed together in one lump of text that has been processed by my own mind. Keep in mind that much of these ideas I heard from other people, and this is just a way of me putting the thoughts on paper (or in this case, a screen). So please take it for what it's worth. A humble obverver's ponderings.
After reading C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity and The Problem of Pain, I have developed some notions about a few particular topics that I have heard brought up several times in the last few weeks. And I am eager to learn more.
We dive in.
Who is responsible for the current condition of the world? Adam? Eve? Osama Bin Laden? Barack Obama? Satan? The answer is God.
He created the possibility that this condition could be a possibility. God is responsible for the human condition. Many may argue, “If God created this miserable condition, then does he not have the responsibility to fix it?” Although ones first response as a Christian may be, “How dare you question the authority of God over his creation?” This is a valid and pertinent question, and the answer would be yes.
This world and everything in this world is God’s responsibility. God must act decisively to remedy the situation. However, raw power cannot repair the current state of the human world. Raw power robs the human condition of free will, causing what would be an amoral universe devoid of the human conscious.
God identifies with humans. He created us in his image. He took on the form of a human, endured the carnal temptations of a human, and ultimately died a human death. In death, where can one turn? To God the creator alone. He uses evil for good. Romans 8:28 tells us that God works for the good. This does not mean that every situation in our lives is going to work out perfectly. It means that in the midst of all things, GOD IS GOOD.
And that is an infallible statement.
On the subject of Biblical mistranslations, the fact that the Biblical text has been preserved is, in itself, incredible. In one sense, faith has nothing to do with mistranslation or different versions of translation. Everything comes down to the exact, literal, hard-nosed, text-to-text translation, which due to the imperfect condition of man, is fallible in nature.
Let's say that something seriously bad happens to a person, like a parent's death or something similar, and they approach you seeking advice. What is the appropriate way to respond? Is there an appropriate way to respond?
“I do not know why this happened. But I do know that God loves you. He is not trying to punish you. He did not do this.” Simple and to the point? This deserves further consideration.
Where do you turn? To where can you go in this kind of world when sin is everywhere and comfort is difficult to find? When all else fails us, best friends let us down, and there is no one left to turn, God hears our cry.
And if we cannot turn to him, then we have no hope.
- Michael Stephen
After reading C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity and The Problem of Pain, I have developed some notions about a few particular topics that I have heard brought up several times in the last few weeks. And I am eager to learn more.
We dive in.
Who is responsible for the current condition of the world? Adam? Eve? Osama Bin Laden? Barack Obama? Satan? The answer is God.
He created the possibility that this condition could be a possibility. God is responsible for the human condition. Many may argue, “If God created this miserable condition, then does he not have the responsibility to fix it?” Although ones first response as a Christian may be, “How dare you question the authority of God over his creation?” This is a valid and pertinent question, and the answer would be yes.
This world and everything in this world is God’s responsibility. God must act decisively to remedy the situation. However, raw power cannot repair the current state of the human world. Raw power robs the human condition of free will, causing what would be an amoral universe devoid of the human conscious.
God identifies with humans. He created us in his image. He took on the form of a human, endured the carnal temptations of a human, and ultimately died a human death. In death, where can one turn? To God the creator alone. He uses evil for good. Romans 8:28 tells us that God works for the good. This does not mean that every situation in our lives is going to work out perfectly. It means that in the midst of all things, GOD IS GOOD.
And that is an infallible statement.
On the subject of Biblical mistranslations, the fact that the Biblical text has been preserved is, in itself, incredible. In one sense, faith has nothing to do with mistranslation or different versions of translation. Everything comes down to the exact, literal, hard-nosed, text-to-text translation, which due to the imperfect condition of man, is fallible in nature.
Let's say that something seriously bad happens to a person, like a parent's death or something similar, and they approach you seeking advice. What is the appropriate way to respond? Is there an appropriate way to respond?
“I do not know why this happened. But I do know that God loves you. He is not trying to punish you. He did not do this.” Simple and to the point? This deserves further consideration.
Where do you turn? To where can you go in this kind of world when sin is everywhere and comfort is difficult to find? When all else fails us, best friends let us down, and there is no one left to turn, God hears our cry.
And if we cannot turn to him, then we have no hope.
- Michael Stephen
"Desperation and dreams.." [ 11 | 12 | 2009 ]
Rain, rain go away. But before you leave, give me something to say.
Desperation and dreams, like raindrops on wilting leaf. Intensity of the heart and oblivious to me. This is exactly how I feel. Stained glass windows and pine trees, the Oregon weather is getting to me. Because I want to know you, I really wish I could. But distance defines this relationship,
And my heart stays true.
- Michael Stephen
Desperation and dreams, like raindrops on wilting leaf. Intensity of the heart and oblivious to me. This is exactly how I feel. Stained glass windows and pine trees, the Oregon weather is getting to me. Because I want to know you, I really wish I could. But distance defines this relationship,
And my heart stays true.
- Michael Stephen
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
"Under the same umbrella.." [ 11 | 11 | 2009 ]
Memory is such a powerful blessing and such a haunting curse.
Regret and forgiveness fall under the same umbrella.
- Michael Stephen
Regret and forgiveness fall under the same umbrella.
- Michael Stephen
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
"Reality sinks in.." [ 11 | 10 | 2009 ]
Reality sinks in.
I keep having these dreams like I am somewhere else; another location completely. Different people and different faces, I was running their races, trying to keep their paces. And I realized that this was not me, and I woke myself from revery. And in noble attempt to balance the equation, I fell through the cracks; adrift in frustration. Dreaming, or reality? Which person am I or will I be?
My dream takes me.
Where have you been this whole time?
I pulled myself apart, fighting a broken heart.
Where have you been all along?
My strength failed me, seeking serenity.
Where were you when I needed you?
Here, there, and everywhere around me, your love surrounds me. Your love is strong, your love is a song, your love reminds me of where I thought I should be. And in every little thing and in every situation, I find you, loving me so desperately. Every final solution and every leaf on a tree: beauty, beauty, beauty. Your creation and love for the human heart amazes me. I could write you endlessly.
With a final cry and one last try, I give all I have to you. One year of my life in your hands. Home, in your hands. My heart, in your hands. Take it. Replace it. Mold me, and secure me. In your arms, I am home. In your arms, I have peace. In your arms,
I find me.
- Michael Stephen
Monday, November 9, 2009
"What. A. Weekend.." [ 11 | 9 | 2009 ]
What: Quake / Zone
Where: San Jose, California
When: November 6-8, 2009
Pre-Friday (November 4-5): On Tuesday, the team drove to the San Jose, CA airport to pick up our event director Joe! It was quite a bit of fun seeing him and his beard (trimmed up and wolverine-ized for Halloween). And at this point, the entire team was excited, energized, and ready for the upcoming weekend! We drove back down to Kings City, CA! The next two days (Wednesday and Thursday) consisted of event training! To summarize, the team gathered and went over how the weekend was going to run, reviewed how to set up lights (yes, meaning huge colored flashing lights!), and worked out how to set up our huge projector screen!
Thursday night was our final "regular," albeit wild, concert before the first Quake Zone of the year. We changed up the set list a little bit, and the kids loved it! We added one of my all time favorite songs, Mighty To Save to our set list, and everyone was singing along. Our contact David who also housed us for two nights (thank you for the steak and burritos!), was super cooperative and welcoming, and the entire team enjoyed ourselves. The concert went swimmingly and after a nights stay at a swell host home, the weekend approached.
Friday (November 6): The day had come! And at this point, there were several emotions and thoughts running through my mind. Confidence and trust both played a big part in making a well-planned event run even more smoothly. I was confident in our musical ability as a team, and we, as a team, placed an incredible amount of trust in God, and how he planned to work through us this weekend. We spent as much time as possible in prayer, asking for continued good health, strengthened unity as a team, and the maintaining of energy throughout the weekend.
Speaking of energy, I made a vow to myself to make myself look like a complete crazy person on the stage in an effort to spur the kids to a high level of energy.
It worked, and for the opening celebration, our set of songs went exactly as planned. After headbanging, dancing, hopping around stage, and ultimately jumping off the drum riser on our final song, I was both sweaty and exhausted, but extremely happy, because the young and energetic audience was able to feed off our energy, and dance and jump as well! It was an incredible night, to say the least. And after facilitating a Trek (bible study) with Kevin, listening through an awesome set list by the guest musician Daniel's Window, and enjoying a hilarious message by our speaker Bill Yonker, I hit the proverbial hay and slept for five hours.
Saturday (November 7): The alarm blared at 6:22, and I got a chance to run through our detailed schedule before diving in with the activities of the day.
After an opening celebration of a few high energy songs by Daniel's Window, we took the stage for a few minutes (I broke a pick AND a guitar string on one song!). The great and mighty Bill Yonker spoke for a few minutes, and then kicked off the Treks for the day. Kevin and I had the privilege of running the Junior Guide Leader Treks. "What are Junior Guide Leaders?" you may ask. Well, to break it down for you, every youth group appoints one, two, three or more Junior Guide Leaders (usually high school age) to help the youth leaders run the youth group for the weekend. And these three different bible studies, or Treks, were specifically designed to discuss and enforce biblical leadership characteristics in these high schoolers.
Myself and Kevin were able to hang out with this same group of about twenty high school guys and girls for three different Treks over the course of the weekend. And we had an absolute blast doing it. My prayer is that they were blessed through the weekend and the bible studies, as we discussed ways in which they could better serve God through serving their younger youth.
One of the most special events of the weekend, was the Variety Show, which I was honored to be able to host! On Friday afternoon and Saturday morning, youth from each youth group had the chance to register to perform some sort of an act or talent at the variety show which was planned for Saturday afternoon. After many air bands, songs, piano solos, juggling acts, a.. peanut butter.. skit (?), and a Taylor Swift Boy Band performance (which I was privileged to partake in!), everyone walked away with a newfound appreciation for weird talents, I can assure you!
Following the variety show and dinner with a group of teenage guys from an amazing youth group in Sunnyvale, CA, I was able to enjoy listening to Daniel's Window perform as they opened up the night with a 45 minute concert, followed up by another intense, hysterical, and meaningful message by our humble speaker, Bill Yonker. Saturday evening was also tagged as "Crazy Dress Night," so we took the stage with swimsuits on our heads and capes on our backs for the final few songs, then crashed for the night.
Sunday (November 8): The last hurrah.
Following breakfast with a hilarious group of kids from Lodi, CA (they pelted me with ping pong balls!) and a few more songs from Daniel's Window, Bill Yonker sent the kids away with one final message on the theme verse of the weekend. Micah 6:8, "He has show you what is good. For what does the Lord require of you? But to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with God."
After a few more songs, another jump off the drum riser, and autographs all around, the San Jose, CA Quake Zone and Captive Free West Coast 09-10's first event of the event season came to a close.
What. A. Weekend.
- Michael Stephen
Sunday, November 8, 2009
"When can their glory fade?" [ 11 | 8 | 2009 ]
"Half a league, half a league,
When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
'Forward, the Light Brigade!
Charge for the guns' he said:
Into the valley of Death
Charge for the guns' he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
'Forward, the Light Brigade!'
Was there a man dismay'd?
Not tho' the soldiers knew
'Forward, the Light Brigade!'
Was there a man dismay'd?
Not tho' the soldiers knew
Some one had blunder'd:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die:
Into the valley of Death
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them,
Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them,
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.
Flash'd all their sabres bare,
Flash'd as they turned in air
Sabring the gunners there,
Charging an army while
Flash'd all their sabres bare,
Flash'd as they turned in air
Sabring the gunners there,
Charging an army while
All the world wonder'd:
Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right thro' the line they broke;
Cossack and Russian
Reel'd from the sabre-stroke
Shatter'd and sunder'd.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred.
Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
Right thro' the line they broke;
Cossack and Russian
Reel'd from the sabre-stroke
Shatter'd and sunder'd.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred.
Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
While horse and hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro' the jaws of Death,
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
While horse and hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro' the jaws of Death,
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hundred.
When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wonder'd.
Honour the charge they made!
Honour the Light Brigade,
Honour the charge they made!
Honour the Light Brigade,
Noble six hundred!
- Alfred Lord Tennyson
"To those who by patience in well-doing seek for glory and honor and immortality, he will give eternal life."
- The Apostle Paul
- Michael Stephen
"Onward through life he goes.." [ 11 | 7 | 2009 ]
"Under a spreading chestnut-tree
The village smithy stands;
The smith, a mighty man is he,
With large and sinewy hands;
And the muscles of his brawny arms
Are strong as iron bands.
His hair is crisp, and black, and long,
His face is like the tan;
His brow is wet with honest sweat,
He earns whate'er he can,
And looks the whole world in the face,
For he owes not any man.
Week in, week out, from morn till night,
You can hear his bellows blow;
You can hear him swing his heavy sledge,
With measured beat and slow,
Like a sexton ringing the village bell,
When the evening sun is low.
And children coming home from school
Look in at the open door;
They love to see the flaming forge,
And hear the bellows roar,
And catch the burning sparks that fly
Like chaff from a threshing-floor.
He goes on Sunday to the church,
And sits among his boys;
He hears the parson pray and preach,
He hears his daughter's voice,
Singing in the village choir,
And it makes his heart rejoice.
It sounds to him like her mother's voice,
Singing in Paradise!
He needs must think of her once more,
How in the grave she lies;
And with his haul, rough hand he wipes
A tear out of his eyes.
Toiling, rejoicing, sorrowing,
Onward through life he goes;
Each morning sees some task begin,
Each evening sees it close
Something attempted, something done,
Has earned a night's repose.
Thanks, thanks to thee, my worthy friend,
For the lesson thou hast taught!
Thus at the flaming forge of life
Our fortunes must be wrought;
Thus on its sounding anvil shaped
Each burning deed and thought."
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"Our God is a consuming fire."
- The Author of Hebrews
- Michael Stephen
The village smithy stands;
The smith, a mighty man is he,
With large and sinewy hands;
And the muscles of his brawny arms
Are strong as iron bands.
His hair is crisp, and black, and long,
His face is like the tan;
His brow is wet with honest sweat,
He earns whate'er he can,
And looks the whole world in the face,
For he owes not any man.
Week in, week out, from morn till night,
You can hear his bellows blow;
You can hear him swing his heavy sledge,
With measured beat and slow,
Like a sexton ringing the village bell,
When the evening sun is low.
And children coming home from school
Look in at the open door;
They love to see the flaming forge,
And hear the bellows roar,
And catch the burning sparks that fly
Like chaff from a threshing-floor.
He goes on Sunday to the church,
And sits among his boys;
He hears the parson pray and preach,
He hears his daughter's voice,
Singing in the village choir,
And it makes his heart rejoice.
It sounds to him like her mother's voice,
Singing in Paradise!
He needs must think of her once more,
How in the grave she lies;
And with his haul, rough hand he wipes
A tear out of his eyes.
Toiling, rejoicing, sorrowing,
Onward through life he goes;
Each morning sees some task begin,
Each evening sees it close
Something attempted, something done,
Has earned a night's repose.
Thanks, thanks to thee, my worthy friend,
For the lesson thou hast taught!
Thus at the flaming forge of life
Our fortunes must be wrought;
Thus on its sounding anvil shaped
Each burning deed and thought."
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"Our God is a consuming fire."
- The Author of Hebrews
- Michael Stephen
Friday, November 6, 2009
"If.." [ 10 | 6 | 2009 ]
"If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!"
- Rudyard Kipling
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."
- The Apostle Paul
- Michael Stephen
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!"
- Rudyard Kipling
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."
- The Apostle Paul
- Michael Stephen
Thursday, November 5, 2009
"Perspective paints the sky.." [ 11 | 5 | 2009 ]
Dear reader,
This weekend will be overwhelmingly busy and exhausting to me physically, mentally, and spiritually, so pardon the lack of blogs! Instead of taking the time out of the day every morning at 5:22 to write for a bit, I will be getting much needed rest instead. And I will be posting three pieces of literature over the weekend that are not my own, but works that have spurred some thought or inspiration in me in the past.
So take a minute out of your day and enjoy some good, well-written writing in the words of authors other than my own hum drum self! I'll leave you with a couple orphaned thoughts from the days gone by.
I recall what it feels like, not having a care in the world and sharing a heart that has a grasp on reality and a view of the big picture. And there is something greater happening behind the scenes that I cannot control and neither can you.
So when reality cuts through, step back and watch time run its course. Because everything has a reason, and I could have given up so easily.
I may be weak, but I made it to shore. And so can you. Swim a little further, land is in sight. This sickness has ripped through my body, but I am alive and perspective paints the sky. The end is near and I think I might have found some of my strength from our times.
I continue on despite my circumstance.
My dreams turn to sand and the hourglass strikes 6:05.
- Michael Stephen
This weekend will be overwhelmingly busy and exhausting to me physically, mentally, and spiritually, so pardon the lack of blogs! Instead of taking the time out of the day every morning at 5:22 to write for a bit, I will be getting much needed rest instead. And I will be posting three pieces of literature over the weekend that are not my own, but works that have spurred some thought or inspiration in me in the past.
So take a minute out of your day and enjoy some good, well-written writing in the words of authors other than my own hum drum self! I'll leave you with a couple orphaned thoughts from the days gone by.
I recall what it feels like, not having a care in the world and sharing a heart that has a grasp on reality and a view of the big picture. And there is something greater happening behind the scenes that I cannot control and neither can you.
So when reality cuts through, step back and watch time run its course. Because everything has a reason, and I could have given up so easily.
I may be weak, but I made it to shore. And so can you. Swim a little further, land is in sight. This sickness has ripped through my body, but I am alive and perspective paints the sky. The end is near and I think I might have found some of my strength from our times.
I continue on despite my circumstance.
My dreams turn to sand and the hourglass strikes 6:05.
- Michael Stephen
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
"A new year in days.." [ 11 | 4 | 2009 ]
A new year in days, where do we stand? Strife. War. Strife. War.
Kingdoms will fall and judgment will take place. Don't live off the lost. Refuse apathy. Standing still is not an option. Reforming the perished landscape requires determination.
And we are the antidote. Counteract the poison.
He is the cure. Establish restoration.
With heavy hearts and high hopes, prevailing becomes less an option and more a reality.
Look to the seven lampstands. In his hand are seven stars, and his voice resonates like a flood. Few know him, yet some respond. Fall to your knees. We have become the resistance and the outcast. A minority in a secular majority, the world deserves nothing. Yet this is glory. This is mercy. This is dominion. Through all: Him.
Through all: Him.
Holy, Holy, Holy.
- Michael Stephen
Kingdoms will fall and judgment will take place. Don't live off the lost. Refuse apathy. Standing still is not an option. Reforming the perished landscape requires determination.
And we are the antidote. Counteract the poison.
He is the cure. Establish restoration.
With heavy hearts and high hopes, prevailing becomes less an option and more a reality.
Look to the seven lampstands. In his hand are seven stars, and his voice resonates like a flood. Few know him, yet some respond. Fall to your knees. We have become the resistance and the outcast. A minority in a secular majority, the world deserves nothing. Yet this is glory. This is mercy. This is dominion. Through all: Him.
Through all: Him.
Holy, Holy, Holy.
- Michael Stephen
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
"I wrote this when I was sixteen.." [ 11 | 3 | 2009 ]
12 numbers
One clock
Time begs for completion.
As the minute hand turns,
The second hand craves movement.
13th chapter
8th verse
Love never ends
Believe all things, hope all things.
When the perfect comes, the imperfect disappears.
11th month
Twenty First day
Beauty is defined
The sideburns are at war with the stubble
Who will conquer? Let the best follicle win.
10th hour
Thirty First minute
Unholy Confessions on the player.
xosarah dear on the messenger.
Sierra mist on the desk.
9th sip
2 liters later
Farewell sweet, sierra mist
You have accomplished your purpose.
Oh, soul-less sierra..
2nd millennium
7th year
Fifteen years plus one
This world is where I breathe
But it will never be my home.
7th stanza
Second line
Debating on whether to continue.
A battle wages.
One more perhaps?
2nd hour
One basketball practice
What's that smell??
Ohhh... gosh..
Here, have some Axe.
- Michael Stephen
One clock
Time begs for completion.
As the minute hand turns,
The second hand craves movement.
13th chapter
8th verse
Love never ends
Believe all things, hope all things.
When the perfect comes, the imperfect disappears.
11th month
Twenty First day
Beauty is defined
The sideburns are at war with the stubble
Who will conquer? Let the best follicle win.
10th hour
Thirty First minute
Unholy Confessions on the player.
xosarah dear on the messenger.
Sierra mist on the desk.
9th sip
2 liters later
Farewell sweet, sierra mist
You have accomplished your purpose.
Oh, soul-less sierra..
2nd millennium
7th year
Fifteen years plus one
This world is where I breathe
But it will never be my home.
7th stanza
Second line
Debating on whether to continue.
A battle wages.
One more perhaps?
2nd hour
One basketball practice
What's that smell??
Ohhh... gosh..
Here, have some Axe.
- Michael Stephen
Monday, November 2, 2009
"In a forest in California.." [ 11 | 2 | 2009 ]
In a forest in California, in the midst of California trees, two California roads diverged before me.
And no matter how hard I tried, I thought, I fought, and sighed, I could not decide.
But the thing that makes me thank God for every laugh and cry, the thing that warms me by the flaming forge of life, the thing that carries me through the jaws of death and back through the mouth of hell, the thing that causes me to prefer fire over ice, the thing that makes me realize that I am nobody, and the thing that guides my conscience and my every desire,
Is the road less traveled by.
And that makes all the difference.
- Michael Stephen
And no matter how hard I tried, I thought, I fought, and sighed, I could not decide.
But the thing that makes me thank God for every laugh and cry, the thing that warms me by the flaming forge of life, the thing that carries me through the jaws of death and back through the mouth of hell, the thing that causes me to prefer fire over ice, the thing that makes me realize that I am nobody, and the thing that guides my conscience and my every desire,
Is the road less traveled by.
And that makes all the difference.
- Michael Stephen
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
"Blur the lines.." [ 10 | 28 | 2009 ]
You take your time to take a deep breath, and can’t tell yourself why.
Blur the lines, bulletproof is just a lie. You’ve gone so long with nothing to hide, but words cannot suffice. You’re losing this fight. Life hasn’t been breezy and dreaming hasn’t been easy. But there’s something to say about love and things of the heart.
Like seven hundred stars beating so hard. Your chest is pounding and you just don’t know where to start. Don’t think twice, just leave and don’t think because it’s worth the sting. Live and let time mend all things.
There are times when you can recall every last laugh and good memory. Smiles and kisses and best of friends. Summer is coming up and you’ll be gone in another town, living somehow. When you said it’s over, you meant both words.
So dim the lights and look past the clouds on the lake and reach for the seven hundred stars beating so hard. Your chest is pounding and you don’t know where to start. Don’t think twice, just leave and don’t think because it’s worth the sting. Live and let time mend.
All you need is something to say, and you want to scream because hope is running away. However, love is becoming more clear than just black and white. And even though you’re too broken up to get up, keep trying. Keep up the fight.
Because fighting is worth it, even when love is dying.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
"Let's remember everything.." [ 10 | 27 | 2009 ]
Let's take a walk down Arlington Arch; it's where these two green eyes learned to see.
Let's remember everything.
I remember the neighbors and the babysitter and the dented mailbox across the street, but more importantly, I remember my Winnie the Pooh birthday party and Redskins games on Sundays. The Oregon leaves remind me of Thanksgiving with the cousins, jumping in the leaves and sitting at those little plastic tables.
Sunday nights with chili beef and cream of celery, ritz crackers and tuna, saltines and butter. Call me nostalgic, but I don't want to forget.
We were different on some days, but we were family. I remember everything and I miss it all. Nothing has changed. Because I'm the same kid in different ways. I just want to see that house with the blue siding and the playground in the back. Shut your eyes, and you can almost see it with me.
Let's take a walk down a good memory.
- Michael Stephen
Let's remember everything.
I remember the neighbors and the babysitter and the dented mailbox across the street, but more importantly, I remember my Winnie the Pooh birthday party and Redskins games on Sundays. The Oregon leaves remind me of Thanksgiving with the cousins, jumping in the leaves and sitting at those little plastic tables.
Sunday nights with chili beef and cream of celery, ritz crackers and tuna, saltines and butter. Call me nostalgic, but I don't want to forget.
We were different on some days, but we were family. I remember everything and I miss it all. Nothing has changed. Because I'm the same kid in different ways. I just want to see that house with the blue siding and the playground in the back. Shut your eyes, and you can almost see it with me.
Let's take a walk down a good memory.
- Michael Stephen
Sunday, October 25, 2009
"These are just songs in my head.." [ 10 | 25 | 2009 ]
5:22 AM marks the shot heard round my world every morning.
I write, I listen to music, and I think.
And if you, humble reader, happen to glance over what has been written and what will be written, then you will be seeing the product of these three things. But more importantly, you will have first hand insight into my life. And you will get to know me underneath the surface.
This blog is not just about missing home, adjusting to a breakup, or being overwhelmed with three weeks of sickness. What you read here is me at my most honest, most intimate, and, at times, most vulnerable. If you take the time out of your day to read these arrangements of words, take them for what they're worth. Because this is me.
These are just songs in my head, wanting to be heard.
This is Michael Stephen Smith in words.
Thanks for reading.
- Michael Stephen
I write, I listen to music, and I think.
And if you, humble reader, happen to glance over what has been written and what will be written, then you will be seeing the product of these three things. But more importantly, you will have first hand insight into my life. And you will get to know me underneath the surface.
This blog is not just about missing home, adjusting to a breakup, or being overwhelmed with three weeks of sickness. What you read here is me at my most honest, most intimate, and, at times, most vulnerable. If you take the time out of your day to read these arrangements of words, take them for what they're worth. Because this is me.
These are just songs in my head, wanting to be heard.
This is Michael Stephen Smith in words.
Thanks for reading.
- Michael Stephen
Saturday, October 24, 2009
"2000 miles away.." [ 10 | 24 | 2009 ]
2000 miles away..
Hey dad, I just wanted to say, you’re my hero in every possible way. And mom, I wish I could give you everything, because that's what you deserve every single day. I wish I could take you with me, because your little boy is growing up on the other side of the country. And I know you would love to be there to see.
The grass in Washington remind me of the eyes that you gave to me, and I wish you could see the ways that God is working because of the life you inspired in me. Things worked out, how you raised me and the guys, and I always ask myself, "why am I so lucky to be in this family?" Because there is no way I could ever deserve to be.
And I'm going to take what I learned from you and give it to everyone around me. Maybe I'm just a boy with a dream, but you have taught me every lesson I need.
And if I could live with you for another eighteen years, I would do so in a heartbeat.
Because I love my family.
More than anything.
- Michael Stephen
Hey dad, I just wanted to say, you’re my hero in every possible way. And mom, I wish I could give you everything, because that's what you deserve every single day. I wish I could take you with me, because your little boy is growing up on the other side of the country. And I know you would love to be there to see.
The grass in Washington remind me of the eyes that you gave to me, and I wish you could see the ways that God is working because of the life you inspired in me. Things worked out, how you raised me and the guys, and I always ask myself, "why am I so lucky to be in this family?" Because there is no way I could ever deserve to be.
And I'm going to take what I learned from you and give it to everyone around me. Maybe I'm just a boy with a dream, but you have taught me every lesson I need.
And if I could live with you for another eighteen years, I would do so in a heartbeat.
Because I love my family.
More than anything.
- Michael Stephen
Friday, October 23, 2009
"Letting down my guard has become an art.." [ 10 | 23 | 2009 ]
I’ve been stuck lately trying to convince myself to convince myself that there is a better way to be living and dying for bigger things.
All these feelings were so hard the first time to see, but now they come so freely. Is it just me? I haven’t been myself for over a year, and it feels kind of weird to cry again. But letting down my guard has become an art. And I want to let you in; make you the exception.
May I take your breath away?
I can’t see what’s in front of me, but hearing your voice clears some of the fog. I’m on my way to believing that I can love again, just give me the chance.
On my left is an old chipped chair that’s probably been everywhere. And it reminds me of me in one way or two. And I swear this to you, I wish that this was not the truth. But things have been getting hard, and I’m only eighteen.
Once again, I'll push through, and remember when I was out on the pier, and all I did was hear you talk about the diamonds in the sky. And I realized that I love the way you say my name and look into my eyes. Captivating and breathtaking all at once, let's be quiet and let the stars do the speaking.
The moon will light the way tonight.
Just give it a chance and a midnight dance and we'll watch the sun rise in the morning.
- Michael Stephen
All these feelings were so hard the first time to see, but now they come so freely. Is it just me? I haven’t been myself for over a year, and it feels kind of weird to cry again. But letting down my guard has become an art. And I want to let you in; make you the exception.
May I take your breath away?
I can’t see what’s in front of me, but hearing your voice clears some of the fog. I’m on my way to believing that I can love again, just give me the chance.
On my left is an old chipped chair that’s probably been everywhere. And it reminds me of me in one way or two. And I swear this to you, I wish that this was not the truth. But things have been getting hard, and I’m only eighteen.
Once again, I'll push through, and remember when I was out on the pier, and all I did was hear you talk about the diamonds in the sky. And I realized that I love the way you say my name and look into my eyes. Captivating and breathtaking all at once, let's be quiet and let the stars do the speaking.
The moon will light the way tonight.
Just give it a chance and a midnight dance and we'll watch the sun rise in the morning.
- Michael Stephen
Thursday, October 22, 2009
"I wish I could go back to old times.." [ 10 | 22 | 2009 ]
I wish I could go back to old times and walk the curb outside the church, just like I used to do when the clouds began to drift away and things looked okay. Life has become more about moving on and staying strong, finding something to believe in and recognizing the color of the sky when it isn’t grey.
I realized that perfection is not my cup of tea, and it will be good to be by someone's side with nothing to hide. Supportive, dedicated, and imperfect as hell, I would love to meet you someday. And until then, I think I'll wear my heart on my sleeve and grasp for something just out of reach.
I won't balance the good and the bad. Perfect for someone, but nowhere near flawless. I'll try so hard to shoot for the stars, because when I’m fighting with all I got, they don’t seem too far.
Right up ahead, near Venus and to the left is a light that makes me think of you. And even when I mess up so much, at least I'm trying to be true. And I manage to find forgiveness every time. It’s so beautiful, that grace thing. And it makes me think of your love for the little things. So I will sing about your star in my sky, stealing my dreams every night. I take the chance every 11:11 to wish for your heart, perfect imperfect girl.
Call it what you want, but in my mind, that equation is balanced and equals two people fighting for something worth fighting for and living for each other plus something more.
Look out across the water, I’m standing on the dock just like that one night.
- Michael Stephen
I realized that perfection is not my cup of tea, and it will be good to be by someone's side with nothing to hide. Supportive, dedicated, and imperfect as hell, I would love to meet you someday. And until then, I think I'll wear my heart on my sleeve and grasp for something just out of reach.
I won't balance the good and the bad. Perfect for someone, but nowhere near flawless. I'll try so hard to shoot for the stars, because when I’m fighting with all I got, they don’t seem too far.
Right up ahead, near Venus and to the left is a light that makes me think of you. And even when I mess up so much, at least I'm trying to be true. And I manage to find forgiveness every time. It’s so beautiful, that grace thing. And it makes me think of your love for the little things. So I will sing about your star in my sky, stealing my dreams every night. I take the chance every 11:11 to wish for your heart, perfect imperfect girl.
Call it what you want, but in my mind, that equation is balanced and equals two people fighting for something worth fighting for and living for each other plus something more.
Look out across the water, I’m standing on the dock just like that one night.
- Michael Stephen
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
"Don't remind me.." [ 10 | 21 | 2009 ]
Don’t remind me of where you thought that we were.
Young and innocent, but determined as hell, we could take on the world and we might as well with the hearts that we had. But that’s not how it turned out. Sometimes when you forget what you have, it all comes crashing down.
Ashes to ashes.
Dust to dust.
We had something but we never grew up. Little kids, barely sophomores, and you thought you had it all planned out. You’re just like the rest, sixteen, fearless, and as shallow as the sheets in your bed.
- Michael Stephen
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
"Dying for sleep my agony peaks.." [ 10 | 20 | 2009 ]
Dying for sleep, my agony peaks at 102.3.
A quiet part of my heart knows comfort and life without dark. But my mind is crawling for the light and I scream for my voice back. The walls cave in a bit more. It’s weird to think about death, but at this point, it can’t be far away, and that particular door seems easy after three weeks of misery.
I’m waiting for the room to stop spinning, and nine to one, she is winning.
This night won’t end and every word I read hits that deepest part; behind the heart and inside the soul. I do not know why .. feelings like that, but this story is getting old. And it’s hard not to compare, but when the scar is re-opened, it’s kind of hard to care.
I’m always coming down from I love you and sad goodbyes. And I will probably be misinterpreted again, but it’s nice to be remembered for things besides leaving.
I tried so hard to be kind, but departure spawns lies every time. And even if my voice comes back some day, there will be nothing left to say. I counted up, went all in, and came out broke. But having nothing never felt so good. I get the feeling she is just misdirected and time will heal all things. Yet I also get the feeling she's gaining control. And will come out stronger in the end.
I’m quiet and I won’t say a word.
Because even though I’m not there, I will always care.
I'm quiet and I won't say a word.
- Michael Stephen
I’m waiting for the room to stop spinning, and nine to one, she is winning.
This night won’t end and every word I read hits that deepest part; behind the heart and inside the soul. I do not know why .. feelings like that, but this story is getting old. And it’s hard not to compare, but when the scar is re-opened, it’s kind of hard to care.
I’m always coming down from I love you and sad goodbyes. And I will probably be misinterpreted again, but it’s nice to be remembered for things besides leaving.
I tried so hard to be kind, but departure spawns lies every time. And even if my voice comes back some day, there will be nothing left to say. I counted up, went all in, and came out broke. But having nothing never felt so good. I get the feeling she is just misdirected and time will heal all things. Yet I also get the feeling she's gaining control. And will come out stronger in the end.
I’m quiet and I won’t say a word.
Because even though I’m not there, I will always care.
I'm quiet and I won't say a word.
- Michael Stephen
Friday, October 9, 2009
"There is alot that I don't know.. " [ 10 | 9 | 2009 ]
There is a lot that I don’t know, and a lot that I’m still learning. And there are some things that need to go, because my heart is burning. And it stares me down. It has me living in the past. But like every time before, I know I’ll smile through the wreck. Because I’m alive. And I’m going to keep on living. Because I survived. And I’ll be a better man through this.
I’m not good with metaphors, but I’ve been trying to shut the door; lock the key on the past. I’ve been searching for more, looking for good in the bad. I’ve been weighing things wrong, writing songs and not singing along. In a world of lonely people, I’m starting to blend in. There was a time when I was speechless because it felt right. But now it seems like no one can appreciate love, no matter how hard I try.
I remember when I had all the confidence in the world, saying real things that did things. But this might be taking me over, and I’m left hanging on to you because there is no one else to turn to. I am crying, and it’s time to metamorphosize, because I have felt the pain of distant lies. And this silence on the outside is screaming for help as the inside of me dies.
It’s 6:44 and I’ve been awake for a while now.
But hope is here somehow.
There is no way to take this slowly, and I wonder if I look at everything in perspective if I can find that missing piece of who I want to be. There’s a significant part of the equation which should be here, but is elsewhere.
Lately I’ve been stumbling, but it feels like I’m recovering. I haven’t been sleeping well for the first time in my life. But I realize that all this could pass me by, and I’m going to come along for the ride and forget about looking for what is missing. Because what was missing was not me,
But my humility.
- Michael Stephen [ On the player / inspiration - The Resolution by Jack's Mannequin ]
I’m not good with metaphors, but I’ve been trying to shut the door; lock the key on the past. I’ve been searching for more, looking for good in the bad. I’ve been weighing things wrong, writing songs and not singing along. In a world of lonely people, I’m starting to blend in. There was a time when I was speechless because it felt right. But now it seems like no one can appreciate love, no matter how hard I try.
I remember when I had all the confidence in the world, saying real things that did things. But this might be taking me over, and I’m left hanging on to you because there is no one else to turn to. I am crying, and it’s time to metamorphosize, because I have felt the pain of distant lies. And this silence on the outside is screaming for help as the inside of me dies.
It’s 6:44 and I’ve been awake for a while now.
But hope is here somehow.
There is no way to take this slowly, and I wonder if I look at everything in perspective if I can find that missing piece of who I want to be. There’s a significant part of the equation which should be here, but is elsewhere.
Lately I’ve been stumbling, but it feels like I’m recovering. I haven’t been sleeping well for the first time in my life. But I realize that all this could pass me by, and I’m going to come along for the ride and forget about looking for what is missing. Because what was missing was not me,
But my humility.
- Michael Stephen [ On the player / inspiration - The Resolution by Jack's Mannequin ]
Saturday, October 3, 2009
"This hurts like hell.." [ 9 | 5 | 2009 ]
I’m just a boy with a dream. I want to make you smile, make you happy, say sweet things, share a laugh, love the world. Take a minute to understand me. I am here and I do not want to leave. Love is like oxygen and the whole world is suffocating. What a disease, deficiency of warmth and care. If all I did was share that with you for a moment, as the rain falls on your window pane, remember that day; why you felt that way; what I tried to say.
When we dreamed about playing in the snow that sunny morning, remember the way I cared for you and how you smiled, even just for a little while.
I can never ever let go of how I feel and I am sorry it has taken me so long to tell you all that all I wanted to do was trade your heart for mine for just one second to make you feel how happy I wish you could be. Borrow my heart for just one minute. A world with so much hate can never smile too much or laugh in excess.
I have been there in your shoes at the stroke of midnight when you felt like that and I thought, “If only for just one starry sky to have him know how I think about God and things unknown, how faith holds me in the hardest times and melts pain like snow."
Let’s make plans to be simple and make time to complicate.
Didn’t I tell you?
I stayed up late and realized that I love you and I am on your side. Forever and always until the day I die. Even if I'll never be there to see your spirit fly.
Take me for what I’m worth and I will be good for you if you love me. I just want a relationship minus uncertainty. I will show you I care if you run your hands through my hair and smile at the top of your lungs and realize that I am here, I love you,
AND I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE.
- Michael Stephen [ On the player / inspiration / title - Kill The Messenger by Jack's Mannequin ]
When we dreamed about playing in the snow that sunny morning, remember the way I cared for you and how you smiled, even just for a little while.
I can never ever let go of how I feel and I am sorry it has taken me so long to tell you all that all I wanted to do was trade your heart for mine for just one second to make you feel how happy I wish you could be. Borrow my heart for just one minute. A world with so much hate can never smile too much or laugh in excess.
I have been there in your shoes at the stroke of midnight when you felt like that and I thought, “If only for just one starry sky to have him know how I think about God and things unknown, how faith holds me in the hardest times and melts pain like snow."
Let’s make plans to be simple and make time to complicate.
Didn’t I tell you?
I stayed up late and realized that I love you and I am on your side. Forever and always until the day I die. Even if I'll never be there to see your spirit fly.
Take me for what I’m worth and I will be good for you if you love me. I just want a relationship minus uncertainty. I will show you I care if you run your hands through my hair and smile at the top of your lungs and realize that I am here, I love you,
AND I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE.
- Michael Stephen [ On the player / inspiration / title - Kill The Messenger by Jack's Mannequin ]
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