"There is alot that I don't know.. " [ 10 | 9 | 2009 ]

There is a lot that I don’t know, and a lot that I’m still learning. And there are some things that need to go, because my heart is burning. And it stares me down. It has me living in the past. But like every time before, I know I’ll smile through the wreck. Because I’m alive. And I’m going to keep on living. Because I survived. And I’ll be a better man through this.

I’m not good with metaphors, but I’ve been trying to shut the door; lock the key on the past. I’ve been searching for more, looking for good in the bad. I’ve been weighing things wrong, writing songs and not singing along. In a world of lonely people, I’m starting to blend in. There was a time when I was speechless because it felt right. But now it seems like no one can appreciate love, no matter how hard I try.

I remember when I had all the confidence in the world, saying real things that did things. But this might be taking me over, and I’m left hanging on to you because there is no one else to turn to. I am crying, and it’s time to metamorphosize, because I have felt the pain of distant lies. And this silence on the outside is screaming for help as the inside of me dies.

It’s 6:44 and I’ve been awake for a while now.

But hope is here somehow.

There is no way to take this slowly, and I wonder if I look at everything in perspective if I can find that missing piece of who I want to be. There’s a significant part of the equation which should be here, but is elsewhere.

Lately I’ve been stumbling, but it feels like I’m recovering. I haven’t been sleeping well for the first time in my life. But I realize that all this could pass me by, and I’m going to come along for the ride and forget about looking for what is missing. Because what was missing was not me,

But my humility.

- Michael Stephen [ On the player / inspiration - The Resolution by Jack's Mannequin ]